This is completely off-base from the tutorials I've been posting, but I thought you might want to know a little more about me... So sharing my thoughts from today seems like a good way to do that.
So, earlier today a friend from my Bible study posted an article about the importance of yelling. It was a good thing for me to read, since lately I've been reflecting on our family's habits and making changes. Our changes work for our family; I'm not judging anyone else or telling anyone else to follow me blindly... what works for us may not work for anyone else in the world. And that is the beauty of life.
I have often complained that babies do not come with a manual. At least the 2007 and 2009 models didn't. Based on stories from my new-mommy-again friends, I don't believe instructions came with the 2013 model either.
My biggest issue has been finding balance.
For those of you who know me personally, you know I used to be a Marine. For those of you who only know me through my shop, Facebook or blog, this might seem surprising. I loved my job, and being the go-to admin girl at my unit. I was good at it, and I had junior Marines in my shop, so I got used to the day-in, day-out management life. Then I traded it all in to be a stay at home mommy. A manic person who barely came up to my waist now dictated my day. To top it all off, there was another one baking in my belly. What had I gotten myself into?
Before, I could yell and scream at my juniors if I wanted to. With your own kiddos, its different. Could I do it? Yes. I've seen other parents, and perhaps it works for them. But I didn't want to be that type of mother.
Still, old habits die hard.
When those habits overcome me, my right hand (on its own) snaps and forms a knife-hand, and my tone changes instantly.
And yes, yelling so loud the ground shakes has its benefits. Immediately, you command attention. Sometimes it is good, like the woman who almost ran over my two girls and I in a parking lot... but its not who I want my children to know me as. If it comes out now and then, I'm okay with that. Especially if it isn't directed at them.
My identity as a mother is a fierce one. I love fiercely. I hurt for them fiercely. I dream for them fiercely. Controlling my harsher side when they make mistakes has been a fight. An internal Jekyll/Hyde type fight. I'm not writing this because I feel like I've been a horrible, awful mother, scaring my children into a militant, instant-obedience-to-orders mentality (I don't really believe I would have been successful in that endeavor had I tried) but I wanted to share a little bit about how it is a struggle for everyone.
My kids make mistakes. A lot of mistakes. They're kids and this is how they learn. Our dog thanks them often for scraps and spills on the floor. They've taken every pin out of my pincushion and put them into my couch. They've lied to my face. Instead of yelling or spanking, challenging them and getting them to put into words what they have done and why it is wrong has been more effective than anything else I've tried. And grace is what makes it feel like an accomplishment by the end of the ordeal. I'm hoping that the conversations we have after any incident will become their internal logic and eventually they'll use that logic before making 'bad decisions'.
Right now, I'm thankful for my children. I'm thankful for their youth. They always see me with new eyes, and that is an enormous and gracious blessing.
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